I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
