Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
