I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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