I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
