I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
