i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
