Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
