What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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