i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
