there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
