k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize