Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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