Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
