I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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