I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
