You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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