I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
