They should really pass out barf bags in church
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
