You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
