im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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