Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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