marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
