The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize