Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
