just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
