Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
