was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
