a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We don't watch enough power rangers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
