Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
