the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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