oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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