It's Friday. Sex?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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