Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
