oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
