I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
