FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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