She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
