I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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