i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize