Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
