I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
