hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
