Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
