It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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