Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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