That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
