I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
