you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
