Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize