well he's currently spooning the coffee table
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i think i just lost a toe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
