If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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