It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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