Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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