Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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