His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
