i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Life is so much better after having sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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