So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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