Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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