It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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