That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
