it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
