well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
