Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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