I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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