the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
a search helicopter?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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