All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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