im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
