I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
