too bad you live with your parents still
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
